.... something.

Something is gone...

My energy is down. I seem to be irritable all the time... and/or tired. Even my days off aren't relieving anymore...

I don't like this. I want to be happy and "shiney" again... Even my hair colorist (who sees me every 2 months or so) said the other day that I wasn't "my normal happy self"... *heavy sigh*

Why? I can't seem to finish anything. I've given up on the 365 Project... and I started that 30 Day Drawing Challenge and only made it a week. Motivation is a stranger to me.

I think I might know what this something is.

Human interaction.

Seriously. I think that may be it... Since I moved to Dell Rapids and started working, I haven't had much interaction with anyone outside of Mandy and Travis. And I am, by no means, demeaning the interactions that I have with them. If I didn't have them, I'd probably go nuts... (Like I'm 'not' already...)

How did I find this out? I went to Madison to watch the play on Saturday night. I watched the performance. I watched my peers perform on stage... without me. I had nothing to do with this production and it was a surreal feeling for me. But it was afterwards... the reactions from the people that I knew was overwhelming in the best way possible. Every single one of them recognized me by my laugh... of course... but I was perfectly fine with that. I laughed that night, during and after the production, more than I have laughed in the last month. No lie.

I just... was so happy to see them. I had that same "theater energy" as when I was actually in the productions. I miss acting. I miss Drama Club... I miss so much about college. Now, I'm out in the "real world", working.... and working. This is what I have to look forward to for the next 80 years? Outlook is bleak at this point.

And I have no real complaints. Travis and I just passed the 15 month mark. We're still going strong. No big fights. Work is going well. I'm getting 40+ hours between the two jobs. Should not be unhappy.... but I know something is off.

Then, it's when that something starts to invade my thinking... and makes me overthink. Overanalyze everything. Why isn't this happening? Why can't it? What am I doing wrong? etc... >.<

Any suggestions? Advice?

Have you been there?