Best. Non-Rejection. Ever.

Melissa,

Thank you for your interest in [INSERT JOB TITLE HERE] I regret to inform you that


Boy, I hate starting rejection letters that way, so today I’m not going to. Scroll back up there and delete that line. I’ll give you a minute.





Done?

Good.

Prairie Graphics does not currently have any job openings. I say “currently” because you just never know. One of my employees might steal all the money in the till tonight, or make a bad pot of coffee, or park in my spot, or set fire to a customer’s underwear, or I may just get tired of putting up with some annoying personal habit… you just never know. You see, Prairie Graphics operates much like a pirate ship. Oh sure, it all looks glamorous and exciting, but once you realize that swabbing the deck, peeling potatoes, heaving-to, weighing anchor, and trying to figure out just what “Avast!” means consumes most of your working day, the shine starts to wear off if you catch my drift. Like pirates, I’m pretty sure most of the crew here are averse to bathing, have too many tattoos, complain about sleeping with rats, and spend those hours swabbing the deck filled with dreams of mutiny.

Here’s what I propose: I would be happy to receive a copy of your resume and some examples of your work to keep on file just in case any of these current scurvy dogs decides to saw halfway through my peg leg again. After they’ve been made to walk the plank, I would be happy to put into port and give you a holler to see if you’re still interested in joining the crew. Deal?

Jon Bultman - Captain
S.S. Prairie Graphics





This was the email that I received from Prairie Graphics, Inc. after I had inquired about a job opening. I have to say, it's the best email that I've read in a while. hahahahahahaha Highlight of my day.